Recently I had the chance to sit down with my friend Ray “Cash” Care, who is a former Navy SEAL, former CIA contractor, and current motivational speaker and coach. We got into something that's been on my mind for a while, and I think it needs to be said plainly.
There's a version of success that looks incredible from the outside but can feel hollow the moment you get there, and many men find this out too late.
Hustle culture sold us something. And for a while—maybe even a long while—it felt like the truth. Get up early. Outwork everyone. Stack wins. Dominate. It's not wrong that those things build something in a man. Discipline builds something. Early mornings build something. Refusing to make excuses builds something real.
But there's a question hustle culture never forces you to answer: What exactly are you building toward?
Lessons from Hell Week
Most people have heard about the Hell Week, the final week of Navy SEAL BUD/S training. It has earned a spot as one of the toughest training weeks in all of special operations. However, many think Hell Week is about physical toughness. '
It's not.
The men who quit at this point aren't quitting because their bodies gave out, those guys have already been weeded out. They'e quitting because their why wasn't strong enough to carry them through the torment and through to the other side.
Care shared with me his experience at Steel Pier—one of the most brutal moments in BUD/S. He reached the moment where he willed his body to obey the order to jump into the water, but his mind fought back and said no. To overcome this, he looked back and asked his friend to push him in, because in that moment, his why outpaced and outdistanced his fear.
“But John, isn’t that hustle culture?”
No.
It is something older and harder and ultimately, more powerful. That is a man who has counted the real cost—not the financial cost, not the physical cost, not the social cost but the cost of looking his son in the eye one day and saying, I quit.
The Inevitable Breakdown
Here's where hustle culture breaks down. It gives men the right fuel but the wrong destination. It channels real masculine energy—the drive to build, protect, and excel—and points it to a scoreboard that doesn't actually matter: money, status, admiration.
And for a year or two, the numbers go up, and it feels like winning.
Then your kids are twelve and you're a stranger to them. Your wife stopped reaching for you years ago, and you told yourself it was fine because you were "providing." You've climbed every ladder they told you to climb and you're standing at the top wondering why it's so quiet up there.
That's not a good 10-year plan. That's a mediocre 2-year plan and a catastrophic life.
As warrior poets, we don’t reject discipline. We don't reject hard work. We should know precisely what we’re working for.
Marriage. Kids. Faith.
Care started doing a thousand push-ups a day when he broke free from hustle culture not for gains, not for a brand—but because a pastor told him that every time the beast inside him grew too ravenous for the wrong things, he needed to give it something to chew on. He learned to recognize the idol, claim his responsibility, and tame the urges pushing him toward ruin.
That's the distinction hustle culture misses entirely. The drive in a man is not his enemy, but undirected, it can destroy everything he loves. Directed at the right things, it becomes the engine of a life that actually means something.
Prioritizing Goodness
You can seek greatness, or you can seek goodness. Most men who chase greatness end up with neither.
The warrior poet seeks goodness first. And the byproduct of that—the discipline, the presence, the integrity—ends up looking a lot like greatness anyway. Except it lasts.
The real test isn't whether you can suffer. Most men can suffer. The real test is whether what you're suffering for is actually worth it.
Make sure it is.
Remember, Train Hard. Train Smart. And make sure you know who you'e actually building for before you break yourself to build it.
Comments (22)
Thanks for that. In a hard spot trying to have a life with my wife after 20 plus years of me being gone ALOT, while also being the primary caregiver to my 85yo mom. I have been trying to find ways to manage, well my anger at the situation. Started reading more to free my mind a bit also back to the boxing gym( just bag work, pads, etc.) and it has helped a ton. Love what yall do🙏
At 71, I’m not the man I wanted to be.
I have been living a double life. Lukewarm, as the Bible warns not to be. I believe in God and his son dying for my sins. But, I have never given him absolute 100%. I put on a show and play to the crowd I’m with at the time. Your words have meaning, and I strive, to be the man God wants me to be.
A good reminder. God, family, country are top priorities. Loses focus on those leads to unfulfillment.
Good afternoon John,
Always appreciate your counsel. Let me say this first. I am not a veteran. I tried for nearly a decade to join the Navy, then the Army, finally the Coast Guard but was disqualified due to medical issues I won’t get into here. I am Roman Catholic and have returned to my faith after a long separation. My return is a consequence of many things some of which are reading your posts and listening to your book. Several months ago one of my customers pulled up to my workplace and I noticed the Warrior Poet badge on his truck and in a small way I felt the warmth of community.
Like many I do have a beast that I need to give something to chew on and it can be both rewarding and painful. I try to remember that the enemy is always crouching at my door waiting for an opportunity. Not to sound sanctimonious or overly dramatic but keeping the word of God on my mind in my heart and on my tongue has helped.
I just wanted to thank you for your work.
God Bless you and your family.
True words. Greatness comes with compromise today. It’s not worth it. Some of us had to learn this lesson the hard way.
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